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Totoro!!

December 28th

Merry Christmas!! & Happy LoggedInniversary!!

We had a nice relaxing Christmas holiday, we visited family and friends, sat around watching movies and playing games together, everyone really enjoyed it. Everyone got their wants and needs, plus some. I tried to convince Santa that all I wanted for Christmas was my little Ellery, but he didn't go for that. Ah well, the waiting shall continue. We miss our Scottish friends who have traveled to Scotland for three weeks to visit family there. We will be going over to our other favorite family's house for a little New Year fun. I'll be changing this blog around a bit for the New Year as well.

Tomorrow, Daddy is having his wisdom teeth removed. Ooops, there goes all his wisdom. Actually, you can't subtract zero from zero....... Maureen doesn't care about that in the least, she is instead buzzed about wearing a paper hat and being Daddy's nurse. Actually I think she is just excited that he will be laying around and she can force him to play her games and dolls!

Today we are heading up to the Cotter's for our Thanksgiving with them, I'm bringing the turkeys, yum! On Friday, I'm cooking for my in-laws and our family. I have invited a couple neighbors so we will see who drops in.

One of the adoption list families got their referral this week. I'm so happy for them! One of the other new developments is that we are really thinking hard about taking the kids with us. Our trip will most likely fall during their spring break or end of school or even summertime, so we think the experience is worth them missing *some* school. The only factor might be the timing of their standardized testing. We'll see.

     HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!    

October 24th

 What Not To Wear Say

Answers for the inevitable DUMB, TACTLESS & RUDE QUESTIONS   Click Here

MUST READ!!! http://www.foot-n-mouth.blogspot.com/

ANOTHER MUST READ!!    http://www.adopting.org/question.html

Still interested in "what not to say to Adopting Parents?" Click here

One thing that frustrates me about adoption, and I know I've probably read this a dozen times on other people's sites, but it really seems like most people (family included) don't really view adoption as "Joe and Robyn are having a baby"....one of the things that I really liked about being pregnant was that everyone shared in the excitement. Someone would see my tummy and grin that warm knowing smile and people ask you when you are due and seem truly interested. When I tell people that we are adopting from China, the most common reaction is "oh the conditions are terrible over there, you are such a good person for rescuing one of them"....ok ok yes, the conditions ARE not the best in China's SWIs....but that is NOT why we are adopting. I'm not done being a mom and I can't have any more biological children, out of all the International programs we studied, China fit us best. That's it. I'm not some martyr or something. My reasons for wanting a special needs child are not because I'm a saint. I can't stand the idea of picking a "good" one over a "bad" one...leaving her there because I want a different, more "perfect" one. It's not a candy counter, it's a child's life. Though, I did run into a brick wall when Joe was not willing to go SN, eventually I got through his wall of nervousness and he agreed. Another thing I hear from outsiders is "Oh that is so wonderful, how much do they cost?" ugh.  But primarily, after the initial reaction, people tend to forget all about it or seem to. In my mind, we are pregnant. I'm excited every day, every moment. Just like I was when I WAS pregnant twice. It didn't hit Joe til the moment of birth, I think...."oh wow, another person just popped into the world and how did I fall in love with them so quick!!" But adoptive moms ARE pregnant in the sense that we look forward to the day we can hold our new baby in our arms. K, done ranting now.

Gladney sent us an invite to their online training classes. Three two hour streaming video classes online...it should be fun, at least it's another step to get past.

Also, school started today, ahhhhhh. But also starts the running around, take to school, pick up, gymnastics, piano, scouts. Well at least there will be plenty of time to listen to my Mandarin learning CDs. I'm going rather slowly,,,,perhaps because I'm old (old dog=new tricks) or perhaps because it is just a REALLY difficult language to learn. Anyway, at least I'll be able to say a few things. I can already say several phrases and sentences.

.•:*¨¨*:•.*.•:*¨¨*:•.Our LID !!!!!.•:*¨¨*:•.*.•:*¨¨*:•.

Well obviously I'm very excited that we are moving along in this process. We went on our DTC dinner to Outback that we've been planning. We sent our letter to our family and friends letting them know the good news. Maureen and I watched the National Geographic China's Lost Girls segment AGAIN...I didn't cry this time when the babies were brought in

I finally took some photos of the knitting I've been doing, so go take a look. I've also been obsessed with buying Asian dolls for Ellery....I did the same thing when I was pregnant with Maureen...its' a sickness ;)

Fourth of July!!!!!!!!

We celebrated TWICE with our friends next door, great times were had by all, though we missed Connor who is at Boy Scout camp this week. Gina said she was out of the office on vacation this week but that our dossier "might" be sent out while she's gone, she'd let me know next week....fingers crossed!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!  

I'm getting that in writing from the Boss of Names....I have a name for HIM too, but I can't really print that here. Our friends next door wanted us to name her Tara.....Tara Cotter.....Terra Cotta....yah funny, we didn't get it for the longest time because they are Scottish and talk rather funny!! hhahah!

I've been doing some thinking about journaling. I think it might be good for the baby to have later. Mainly a journal for her to have as she gets older and wants to see what I was thinking or doing while waiting....it seems to be common on other parent's sites...I just don't think anything I have to say is compelling enough to write down!

I'm reading a book right now The Lost Daughters of China by Karin Evans Very interesting so far...

Side note: Daddy has put his foot down and I think we may change her name....now that we've been calling her Corrine for several months, he decides that he doesn't like that name, that it doesn't fit with the baby in his mind. I think I may have to knock him in his head....soon.

On a much better note, I hit the mother lode at Goodwill this week, I got tons of name brand adorable clothes for Corrine, some of them to blend with the knitted stuff I'm in the process of making. Setting myself many projects is helpful to pass the time. When Joe finally buys me a new camera, I'll take pics of all my knitting projects and post them.....someday.

Well gee, let's see what news I have for you avid readers today, one month since my last entry. Hmmm, ok, well NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. I have called USCIS and left three messages and sent them a formal written request on May 3rd. STILL NOTHING. Wow, I've never been an anti-government-minded person....but the idea is growing on me. I feel like we will never get her home. Certainly it will not be before Christmas, I'm now thinking Valentine's Day. I'm thinking she is born now and waiting on us to come get her, needing us to come get her. Ugh, I try not to think about it because it just depresses me.

** N e w s f l a s h !!** Maureen brought in the mail today and our I-171h was in it!! I scanned it and we jumped in the car and drove to the post office. I sent our complete set of dossier document to Gina at Gladney. I'm still mad over the timeframe but at least we are moving ahead again.

With every step, I have to readjust my expectations in this process.

I am dying in bed with the most nasty flu you can ever think about. If you've ever watched "The Emperor's New Groove" there is a part in there when Kuzco the llama decides to try life among llamas and he takes a bite of grass, then he sticks out his tongue and goes "bleeuuch" with grass and dirt all stuck to his tongue......THAT is how I've been feeling...not to mention the one day when I couldn't get my 104.7 fever down. Dying I tell you, dying.

You know it's bad if I tell you that I didn't even CARE that I was wasting precious paperchasing time, not getting that document certified. UGH.

I'm keeping myself busy by going through all of the kid's baby clothes and such. Saving some, washing all and getting most ready for consignment. The house looks like a clothing store exploded in it. Lots of laundry too, whew, and I loooooooooooooooove laundry, NOT. It is fun though, looking through all the baby stuff, brings back so many memories. I can't help but save several outfits just because I can't bear to part with them. The special things that Corrine will be too big to wear are going into memory boxes for Connor and Maureen....for one day when I'm a Grandma.

Our refrigerator is  not cooling again, second time in a year. Sears is coming out today and it is under warranty so hopefully it will be fixed once and for all.

Yesterday, I sat down and watched BIG BIRD IN CHINA....it was cute, I was hoping for a little more history but it was mostly visual...which is fine for Corrine but I'm more "Discovery Channel" in my need for knowledge, haha.

I went to the Wilson County Courthouse today to get some of our documents certified...I only have one more to take there when I get it, really quick painless process.

I spent an hour yesterday talking with our adoption case worker, Gina. She is awesome and I think we will really enjoy working with her.
We talked last night about whether or not we would accept a special needs child. China labels anything more than a missing eyelash as special needs, which is so sad. But I think that we should open ourselves up to more children. When you are pregnant, you get what you get and you love them no matter what. I think we should be the same here. Joe is hesitant. He is accusing me of only wanting to shorten the wait time. I think that is a little "thank you" for giving these kids (who would otherwise spend their entire lives in the orphanage) a better life. So, we came to an agreement to accept a premature or malnourished infant.
Connor is taking his ACT test today. It is offered by Duke University to 7th grade and up to see how they do on a college level test.
We are also going to get a bunch of stuff notarized today, oh goodie.
The good part of the day will be when we put our tree up. Connor and Daddy will go get a fresh one and we will decorate!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I'm giving thanks for lots of things this year, mainly my family and their continued health and happiness, snif snif. But really, I have it pretty darn good. I marvel every day at how lucky I am.

We went to the family eatfest today, the pickins were mighty tasty as usual. We came home early and watched a movie together.

I'm inching slowly toward having our homestudy paperwork together...I'm mainly waiting on other people and the mail service now.

I now understand why some adoption stories that I've read tend to have a common thread of frustration when things don't come in the mail when we need them. I was supposed to get a document in the mail on Monday and here it is Wednesday. I'm so mad because the man said he would send it and apparently didn't. ggggrrrrr.....

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm kind of excited to think that NEXT Thanksgiving we might be super close to having our new daughter home!

I'm now on a Yahoo list for Nashville Waiting Parents....lots to read!

We are going to our group homestudy class on Monday. I'm encouraged by CHI's methodical process, I don't feel like I'm left in the dark to figure out what to do next. Our specialist, Amanda, has patiently answered my questions....I'm so glad that she is approachable and personable.

Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire!! Woohoo! We got Connor out school early (an annual treat that he will most certainly remember more than a boring social studies lesson) and we went to see the movie at noon. It was great but I'm a purist, I think because I want every thing I see to be just like everything I read! Changing plot lines to fit a time constraint is annoying.

Anyway, I called for another certified document yesterday and sent the money to pay for it. I have all our CIS stuff ready except that, Joe's birth certificate and of course, the $685, ugh.

I bought a little Fisher Price Sonya Lee doll (right) on ebay and stuck her on my Land Cruiser dashboard, yah yah, luxury car meets white trash, I know, I know. I like her there because I can look at her whenever I want. I think she is our little "mascot". I'd like to get a stuffed version of her for our baby as well. I've almost decided on a theme for her bedding too. I go back and forth on this since it is so much fun for me :) I had bought many yards of a lovely pastel toile back we started "trying" but now I really want to use something more oriental, which is our preferred decor theme in the rest of the house. I thought pink dragonflies might be cute, oh well, plennnnnnty of time to plan :)

I handed in our application and fee (the first of maaaaany) and got the CIS info for that application and documents.

Today I will do some checking into those documents and hope that our birth certificates arrive soon. In a pinch, I could send it off anyway since I have a copy of mine.

I had a few moments to kill before picking up the kids today and stopped by a chic baby boutique here in Lebanon. It is sooooo nice, very upscale and I wanted to buy everything pink in there. But I didn't. I did however, buy one thing, under $2. It is a small silver ring shaped pendant with an inscription....PATIENCE.

I'm sitting here waiting to leave to go to our first agency meeting. I'm a little nervous, excited, giddy, wary and a million other emotions...it's going to become real as of tonight.

On another site, I found this anecdote, believed to be from Famous Amos (the cookie guy!)

Amos tells of how he was once walking on the beach and saw the shadow of a man picking things up from the beach and throwing them into the ocean. As he got closer, he noticed the man was saving the lives of starfish that had been washed ashore by the low tide. The man was throwing the starfish back into the sea one by one. There were hundreds of starfish surrounding Amos and the man, and looking up the coast there were infinite more starfish to save.

Amos asked the man, "What are you doing?" "Saving the starfish," he responded. "But there are hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of starfish that have been washed ashore along the coastline. You can't really believe that by throwing back a few hundred starfish in the ocean, that you're really going to make a substantial difference, do you?" The man turned to Amos and said nothing. He then picked up another starfish and hurled it into the sea as far as he could. He then looked Amos in the eye and said, "Made a difference to that one…"

I shortened my autobiography to 5 pages...haha, I guess I was getting a little wordy :) I'm still trying to encourage Joe to actually DO his.

Here's my name in Chinese!  

One of the main goals is get money together. Last night, we all sat around and rolled up all our loose change…to the tune of $180 !! wow, that was a lot of rolling!

Ok, well, I’ve filled out the application ($100 fee) and the NIS paper. We are going next Tuesday to an info seminar at CHI. I think we will pay the fee then and if my ebay money comes in quick enough, I’d like to pay the $300 for the agency fee. We’ve told Joe’s family about our news and they are thrilled, as we knew they would be. I’ve been thinking and reading and reading and learning and researching and thinking….my brain is exhausted and Joe thinks I’m setting myself up for a fall emotionally. I told him that I’m just excited and that it will subside when the ‘new’ wears off. Goodness knows we have time for the newness to wear off :)

I’m just finishing up on my autobiography, to the tune of SEVEN pages. Good grief, I haven’t done that much in my life worth mentioning, maybe I should use a smaller font :)              back to top

I spent most of my day getting together my ebay stuff. I hope it sells high. I really need that money. That and about $10k more.

We decided today not to go to Biltmore next weekend. We just had a vacation anyway and I don't want to spend the money. So we will have another quiet weekend, C will go on his backpack trip too.

I got to tell Tina today. She was excited too. I feel all giggly inside. I have always said that the best I've ever felt was when I was pregnant, like nothing can touch me, nothing can make me sad. That's how I feel now. Giddy, earth-mothery...which reminds me....I'm afraid that I won't bond as well with our little one as I have with C & M because I'm not nursing her. That is such a special thing, indescribable and we will miss out on that.

The packet from CHI came today, whoa, what a lot of info. I need to sit down and go through this carefully. I'm hoping Joe will talk with me tonight about it.

Amanda from CHI called me today and said that we don't have a problem with our private issue, thank goodness!! I was panicking!

I talked with my friend E, who used to be our neighbor. She and her husband adopted two girls from China in 1998 & 2001. She actually used CHI as well, which makes me feel better about them. She invited me over soon to see all of her paperwork and etc. I'm looking forward to that.

We have been trying to get pregnant since Aug of 04. I had one very early miscarriage but other than that, nothing. My GYN gave me Clomid to try but knowing that my situation with my back is not going away made me realize that I'm not going to get pregnant. In addition, Joe finally opened up to me that his greatest fear about getting pregnant is that it might not be healthy. I don't share this fear but understand it completely.

I've always thought that I'd have more children. We are great parents...I know that because we think we AREN'T great parents. We spend most of our waking time talking about C & M, whether marveling at how lucky we are that they are so smart and healthy, basking in their accomplishments, pulling out our hair in frustration or even arguing about the right course of action.

I finally spilled all this out to Joe tonight in a long, honest conversation. I tried so hard not to cry, because I know that bugs him. All he wants is for me to be happy. I tell him that I have an empty place. I explain to him about this void that I feel and how at 35, I don't have a great deal of time to dilly dally around. Not because I'm old, but because I don't want to have children in diapers when I'm going thru menopause.

I think Joe saw how I feel but he expressed very honestly that he feels we have a great family the way it is. And the money issue was a huge one. The main goal in his life is to provide for his family, no matter what. Since we have debt, and are a little precarious with our finances, he feels like that is his burden, a heavy one. We also talked about how spoiled we are to our lives and how sharing is a good thing for our kids to learn and us too.

So I thought about this a great deal and came to a conclusion. I have been spending my time going from one fulfilling thing to another, charity, creativity, projects with M, all the while trying to fill this hole. Hoping that someday, we would have another baby. I've talked about it with Kim at length. A long long time ago, I even asked her if she would give me a reference to adopt. She, of course, said yes. It would be so great if she could do our Home Study but she wont be able to. At least she can share my file with the agency.

So, I began reading and learning, and reading, and reading. Wow, there is so much to know if you are thinking of adopting a child. At first I was really interested in Ukraine. The orphanages are deplorable and it breaks my heart to think of these children alone and unwanted. Then I found out that they mostly have boys and you have to jump through many many hoops while flying by the seat of your pants. Something Joe and I are not really good at. We need security. So Joe said, "what about China" Well, of course, I had thought about it but found some misinformation on a website that said it takes 2 years to adopt a child. I found out much more and feel that we should choose China. Joe and I haven't really talked again about this.

I'm making it my personal goal to get our debt paid off. With the tax credit and most likely a change in jobs for Joe, I feel that the adoption cost itself is not a problem, the fact that we have this debt is a negative. I'm going to prod my customers to give up some contacts, sell tons of stuff on ebay, and get a job or sell a product if I have to.

Joe and I agreed that we should have a long talk with C & M to get their true feelings about bringing another sibling into our lives. Not sure when we will do that.

So, to sum up the beginning, I'm very excited because I feel like I'm doing the RIGHT thing, it feels good and right and comforting. We are opening our hearts and our lives up to a grateful person. I have a long road ahead. I want to shoulder as much of the burden as I can. I don't want him to feel like he is taking on more responsibility by having to learn all there is to learn.