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Dec. 28 |
Christmas is over, the stockings are
empty.....the kids are back to normal.
It was a very nice, low key holiday for us. We didn't
overspend or overdo. We focused on
what everyone truly wanted rather than just buying to
buy. Joe and I enjoyed watching them with their gifts.
He spe nt
a whole day playing video games with them, it was really
cute.
We went to Granddaddy's for lunch on Christmas Eve and
to the Edwards' on Christmas Day and that was the extent
of our travels.
I talked with our Home study agency, they didn't get our
application, apparently
it's lost in the mail. It's tough to get them on the
phone or returned emails too, I hope
I haven't made a mistake.
Good news though, we got our fingerprinting invitation
in the mail yesterday and today my birth certificate
came back from the Chinese consulate in Houston.
There may be some question about the date on my birth
certificate (I got it in 1997 when I needed to change my
SSN after getting married) China may need a fresh copy, if so, that is another
several steps that I'll need to redo. Another question
may be the time frame of our notary's expiration....I
think we may have all of our stuff re-notarized *before*
it becomes an issue.
Just wish she was here now, but I suppose
she is not even born yet! I wish I could tell her birth
mom that it's gonna be ok and we are behind her and
support her and appreciate her sacrifice....she must be
in hell about now :( in doubt,
wondering what to do, where to go and how this journey
will to end. |
|
Dec. 25 |
Merry Christmas!! |
|
Dec. 17 |
We went to Pop & Grammy's for our
Christmas with them today. We had yummy soups and
breads, opened presents and visited for a while, it was
very nice. Joe and I came home alone so that the kids
could stay the night and have some fun while they are
off school. When we got home, there was a letter in the
mail from INS, stating that "due to a high workload"
they are putting each request in a timeline and ours
works out to be **MAY**!!! I'm so upset, so much for
getting our dossier out by Feb. What happened to HIRING
MORE PEOPLE if you have a high workload!!??!? Ugh. That
means for all of you counting at home that we will not
go to China til NEXT January at the earliest. Another
Christmas without her. Ugh Ugh. The bright side is that
traveling to China in the winter is much better than 100
degree heat since their idea of air conditioning is a
wet towel. And another bright side is that this does
leave a bit more time for gathering documents...wow am I
grasping at straws looking for a bright side or what?! I
just want her to be here. now. today. |
|
Dec. 12 |
I have a yuggy cold. But still, I went to
the doc to get our medical stuff filled out and
notarized. Went to OMax for yet more copies. I spent the
evening sorting the Gladney paperwork and readied it to
mail tomorrow, maybe.
Oh and Joe wrote the first gigantor check to the agency,
he is sort of gray and chalky looking now....kind of
like wet cardboard or something. Lifeless and spent. :) |
|
Dec. 10
|
I spent an hour yesterday
talking with our adoption case worker, Gina. She is
awesome and I think we will really enjoy working with
her.
We talked last night about whether or not we would
accept a special needs child. China labels anything more
than a missing eyelash as special needs, which is so
sad. But I think that we should open ourselves up to
more children. When you are pregnant, you get what you
get and you love them no matter what. I think we should
be the same here. Joe is hesitant. He is accusing me of
only wanting to shorten the wait time. I think that is a
little "thank you" for giving these kids (who would
otherwise spend their entire lives in the orphanage) a
better life. So, we came to an agreement to accept a
premature or malnourished infant.
Connor is taking his ACT test today. It is offered by
Duke University to 7th grade and up to see how they do
on a college level test.
We are also going to get a bunch of stuff notarized
today, oh goodie.
The good part of the day will be when we put our tree
up. Connor and Daddy will go get a fresh one and we will
decorate!
 |
|
Dec. 5 |
I sent the INS packet back today with the
Gladney info on it and filled out a bunch of Gladney and
AP paperwork. And I found the
China website
which contains info on all the current
referrals and etc. The site is VERYYYYYY slow, but worth
the wait for me. |
Dec. 2
 |
Happy Birthday Daddy!! Woohooooooo, 35~!!
This has been a scary whirlwind week. On Monday I got a
call from CHI, our agency that we had been denied by the
China program, when we had been told we were fine. I was
devastated :( They tried to push us toward Vietnam and
that program isn't even working yet. We just feel so
strongly about China, even though we looked at Guatemala
and Columbia also.
So Joe and I did some looking around and he found a guy
on
ARS an
online community, who recommended
Gladney
International. So, I called them and found a program
specialist that was willing to work with us. Long, long
story short, we are going to be approved for China,
thank goodness!!!!!
Changing agencies basically means starting at the
beginning again on our paperwork, which is a drag. I'm
on it and have also chosen a Home Study agency and we
are going forward with that also.
 |
|
Nov. 26 |
wooohoo!!
the document came yesterday and we sent off our INS
packet today! We also got photos for our passport and a
bunch of stuff notarized. |
|
Nov. 24 |
HAPPY
THANKSGIVING!! I'm giving thanks
for lots of things this year, mainly my family and their
continued health and happiness, snif snif. But really, I
have it pretty darn good. I marvel every day at how
lucky I am.
We went to the family eatfest today,
the pickins were mighty tasty as usual. We came home
early and watched a movie together.
I'm inching slowly toward
having our homestudy paperwork together...I'm mainly
waiting on other people and the mail service now. |
|
Nov. 22 |
 We
went to our first homestudy meeting on Monday. We were
the only couple there so we got a little 'one on one'
time to ask questions and etc. We came home with a giant
packet of info, binder and more forms than I've ever
seen in my life.
I now
understand why some adoption stories that I've read tend
to have a common thread of frustration when things don't
come in the mail when we need them. I was supposed to
get a document in the mail on Monday and here it is
Wednesday. I'm so mad because the man said he would send
it and apparently didn't. ggggrrrrr.....
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm kind of
excited to think that NEXT Thanksgiving we might be
super close to having our new daughter home! |
|
Nov. 19 |
One of our packets came today from CHI,
along with Joe's birth certificate! So we just have one
more document for our CIS application and it should be
here on Tues at the latest.
I'm
now on a Yahoo list for Nashville Waiting
Parents....lots to read!
We are going to our group homestudy
class on Monday. I'm encouraged by CHI's methodical
process, I don't feel like I'm left in the dark to
figure out what to do next. Our specialist, Amanda, has
patiently answered my questions....I'm so glad that she
is approachable and personable. |
|
Nov. 18 |
 Harry
Potter & The Goblet of Fire!! Woohoo! We got Connor out
school early (an annual treat that
he will most certainly remember more than a boring
social studies lesson) and we went to see the movie at
noon. It was great but I'm a purist, I think because I
want every thing I see to be just like
everything I read! Changing plot lines to
fit a time constraint is annoying.
Anyway, I called for another certified
document yesterday and sent the money to pay for it. I
have all our CIS stuff ready except that, Joe's birth
certificate and of course, the $685, ugh.
I bought a little Fisher Price Sonya
Lee doll (right) on ebay and stuck her on my Land
Cruiser dashboard, yah yah, luxury car meets white
trash, I know, I know. I like her there because I can
look at her whenever I want. I think she is our little
"mascot". I'd like to get a stuffed version of her for
our baby as well. I've almost decided on a theme for her
bedding too. I go back and forth on this since it is so
much fun for me :) I had bought many yards of a lovely
pastel toile back we started "trying" but now I really
want to use something more oriental, which is our
preferred decor theme in the rest of the house. I
thought pink dragonflies might be cute, oh well,
plennnnnnty of time to plan :) |
|
Nov. 16 |
Last
night was pretty much as expected.
CHI, the agency, did a great job of explaining who they
are and what they do. They had a couple of families
there, one with a 15 month old from China who has been
home only since August. She was precious!!
I handed in our application and fee (the
first of maaaaany) and got the CIS info for that
application and documents.
Today I will do some checking into
those documents and hope that our birth certificates
arrive soon. In a pinch, I could send it off anyway
since I have a copy of mine. |
|
Nov. 15 |
Well I went to see Kim today, she is very
happy and excited for us. She agreed to write me a
referral. Since she knows me very well, I'm sure it will
be a gold star on our homestudy :)
I had a few moments to kill before
picking up the kids today and stopped by a chic baby
boutique here in Lebanon. It is sooooo nice, very
upscale and I wanted to buy everything pink in there.
But I didn't. I did however, buy one thing, under $2. It
is a small silver ring shaped pendant with an
inscription....PATIENCE.
I'm sitting here waiting to leave to
go to our first agency meeting. I'm a little nervous,
excited, giddy, wary and a million other emotions...it's
going to become real as of tonight. |
|
Nov.
14 |
I
spent my day preparing my ebay sales for shipping,
picked up the kids and headed to the Post Office. When I
got home, I read an adoption story on the internet that
had me almost in tears. The wait was supposed to be 5-7
months for her referral and it ended up being nearly a
year and a half. Ugh, pleeeeeez don't let that happen to
us. It could, so I'm not getting all kinds of crazy
hopes but I'm running out right now to buy a lucky
rabbits foot. 'Gasp' Joe has started his
autobiography...I know, I know, you are shocked!!
On another site, I found this anecdote,
believed to be from Famous Amos (the cookie guy!)
Amos tells of how he was once walking on
the beach and saw the shadow of a man picking things up
from the beach and throwing them into the ocean. As he
got closer, he noticed the man was saving the lives of
starfish that had be en
washed ashore by the low tide. The man was throwing the
starfish back into the sea one by one. There were
hundreds of starfish surrounding Amos and the man, and
looking up the coast there were infinite more starfish
to save.
Amos asked the
man, "What are you doing?" "Saving the starfish," he
responded. "But there are hundreds of thousands, maybe
millions of starfish that have been washed ashore along
the coastline. You can't really believe that by throwing
back a few hundred starfish in the ocean, that you're
really going to make a substantial difference, do you?"
The man turned to Amos and said nothing. He then picked
up another starfish and hurled it into the sea as far as
he could. He then looked Amos in the eye and said, "Made
a difference to that one…" |
|
Nov. 12 |
Connor went on his scout backpacking trip
and Maureen went to Pop & Grammy's this weekend, so Joe
and I got to have a pretty relaxing weekend. We caught
up on some TV watching, yay, exciting. I'm still working
on my ebay stuff and knitting Christmas presents.
 I
shortened my autobiography to 5 pages...haha, I guess I
was getting a little wordy :) I'm still trying to
encourage Joe to actually DO his.
Here's my name in Chinese!
|
|
Nov. 9 |
I just did some figuring based on what
the time frame to China will be…looks like if everything
goes normal, meaning not quick or slow, we could have
our referral in late Sept or Oct and travel between
Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Seems so long away but I
have so many things to do.
One of the main goals is get money
together. Last night, we all sat around and rolled up
all our loose change…to the tune of $180 !! wow, that
was a lot of rolling! |
|
Nov. 8 |
Today is our
8th wedding anniversary….whew, seems like 80! Just
kidding,
more like 180. Joe brought me the most beautiful peach
colored roses, they smell incredible.
Ok, well,
I’ve filled out the application ($100 fee) and the NIS
paper. We are going next Tuesday to an info seminar at
CHI. I think we will pay
the fee then and if my ebay money comes in quick enough,
I’d like to pay the $300
for the agency fee. We’ve told Joe’s family about our
news and they are thrilled, as we knew they would
be. I’ve been thinking and reading and reading and
learning and researching and thinking….my brain is
exhausted and Joe thinks I’m setting myself up for a
fall emotionally. I told him that I’m just excited and
that it will subside when the ‘new’ wears off. Goodness
knows we have time for the newness to wear off :)
I’m just
finishing up on my autobiography, to the tune of SEVEN
pages. Good grief, I haven’t done that much in my life
worth mentioning, maybe I should use a smaller font
:)
back to top |
Nov. 5 |
Well we had
our talk with the kids. Since M is 7, she had some
questions about why it won't look like us. We explained
that we all look different to some degree, our hair,
eyes and skin tones are different, but we are the same
on the inside. She also said that she didn't want to
share our love. We reminded her that we shared our love
of C when she came along, and there was enough to go
around. Then I lit a candle and said that the flame
represented my love for her, no matter how many candles
I lit from that one flame, it would never diminish. From
then on, she toted her baby doll around, asking me the
best way to hold it, etc. Too cute! C was more
interested in getting to go to China than having another
M to deal with....but seemed positive about it. He
already has one sister, he might as well have two. He
was not phased at all about her being a person from
another country.
I spent most
of my day getting together my ebay stuff. I hope it
sells high. I really need that money. That and about
$10k more.
We
decided today not to go to Biltmore next weekend. We
just had a vacation anyway and I don't want to spend the
money. So we will have another quiet weekend, C will go
on his backpack trip too.
I got to
tell Tina today. She was excited too. I feel all giggly
inside. I have always said that the best I've ever felt
was when I was pregnant, like nothing can touch me,
nothing can make me sad. That's how I feel now. Giddy,
earth-mothery...which reminds me....I'm afraid that I
won't bond as well with our little one as I have with C
& M because I'm not nursing her. That is such a special
thing, indescribable and we will miss out on that. |
|
Nov. 4, 2005 |
I can't get
over how great I feel about this. I am admittedly
nervous about coming up with this money to pay our debt.
This ebay selling adventure is such slow-going. Plus I'm
trying to get my Christmas presents knitted AND Jr.
Women's stuff going on. I keep trying to tell myself to
not be excited, it's going to be months and months
before that day will come. I have an appt with Kim the
week after next. I think she will be pleased at how I'm
doing.
As I was looking around the internet today, I found
something that might hinder our plans. I won't go into
what it was because it is private but I'm upset and
worried that we may be not doing this at all now.
The
packet from CHI came today, whoa, what a lot of info. I
need to sit down and go through this carefully. I'm
hoping Joe will talk with me tonight about it.
Amanda from
CHI called me today and said that we don't have a
problem with our private issue, thank goodness!! I was
panicking! I talked
with my friend E, who used to be our neighbor. She and
her husband adopted two girls from China in 1998 & 2001.
She actually used CHI as well, which makes me feel
better about them. She invited me over soon to see all
of her paperwork and etc. I'm looking forward to that. |
Nov. 3
 |
Begin the
lengthy paper chase... Sent off for R & J marriage
certificates and birth certificates.
I got out
copies of C & M birth certificates and started a folder.
back to top |
Nov. 2, 2005
|
Found an
agency that I like, Children's Hope International, with
an office in Brentwood. I read about them, investigated
through BBB, read through many personal experiences. I
have asked for an information packet to be sent to us.
Their next info seminar is Nov 12, of course, we will be
out of town....grrr. |
Oct 30, 2005
 |
I've
probably brought up adoption to Joe a million times. I
always had fostering in my mind until it dawned on me
that I could never in a million years be ok with caring
deeply for a child then letting them go back to a bad
situation, just because the court said it was the right
thing to do.
We have been
trying to get pregnant since Aug of 04. I had one very
early miscarriage but other than that, nothing. My GYN
gave me Clomid to try but knowing that my situation with
my back is not going away made me realize that I'm not
going to get pregnant. In addition, Joe finally opened
up to me that his greatest fear about getting pregnant
is that it might not be healthy. I don't share this fear
but understand it completely.
I've
always thought that I'd have more children. We are great
parents...I know that because we think we AREN'T great
parents. We spend most of our waking time talking about
C & M, whether marveling at how lucky we are that they
are so smart and healthy, basking in their
accomplishments, pulling out our hair in frustration or
even arguing about the right course of action.
I finally
spilled all this out to Joe tonight in a long, honest
conversation. I tried so hard not to cry, because I know
that bugs him. All he wants is for me to be happy. I
tell him that I have an empty place. I explain to him
about this void that I feel and how at 35, I don't have
a great deal of time to dilly dally around. Not because
I'm old, but because I don't want to have children in
diapers when I'm going thru menopause.
I think
Joe saw how I feel but he expressed very honestly that
he feels we have a great family the way it is. And the
money issue was a huge one. The main goal in his life is
to provide for his family, no matter what. Since we have
debt, and are a little precarious with our finances, he
feels like that is his burden, a heavy one. We also
talked about how spoiled we are to our lives and how
sharing is a good thing for our kids to learn and us
too.
So I
thought about this a great deal and came to a
conclusion. I have been spending my time going from one
fulfilling thing to another, charity, creativity,
projects with M, all the while trying to fill this hole.
Hoping that someday, we would have another baby. I've
talked about it with Kim at length. A long long time
ago, I even asked her if she would give me a reference
to adopt. She, of course, said yes. It would be so great
if she could do our Home Study but she wont be able to.
At least she can share my file with the agency.
So, I
began reading and learning, and reading, and reading.
Wow, there is so much to know if you are thinking of
adopting a child. At first I was really interested in
Ukraine. The orphanages are deplorable and it breaks my
heart to think of these children alone and unwanted.
Then I found out that they mostly have boys and you have
to jump through many many hoops while flying by the seat
of your pants. Something Joe and I are not really good
at. We need security. So Joe said, "what about China"
Well, of course, I had thought about it but found some
misinformation on a website that said it takes 2 years
to adopt a child. I found out much more and feel that we
should choose China. Joe and I haven't really talked
again about this.
I'm
making it my personal goal to get our debt paid off.
With the tax credit and most likely a change in jobs for
Joe, I feel that the adoption cost itself is not a
problem, the fact that we have this debt is a negative.
I'm going to prod my customers to give up some contacts,
sell tons of stuff on ebay, and get a job or sell a
product if I have to.
Joe and I
agreed that we should have a long talk with C & M to get
their true feelings about bringing another sibling into
our lives. Not sure when we will do that.
So, to
sum up the beginning, I'm very excited because I feel
like I'm doing the RIGHT thing, it feels good and right
and comforting. We are opening our hearts and our lives
up to a grateful person. I have a long road ahead. I
want to shoulder as much of the burden as I can. I don't
want him to feel like he is taking on more
responsibility by having to learn all there is to learn. |
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